Monday 17th September 2012

I decided to take an evening class in French at my local college.  It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, I also host students from France every year who come over to learn English and it would help if we were able to communicate on some level rather than me talking louder and slower in the hope that through my volume and slurred speech they will be able to understand me, although I’m sure they think I’m some mad drunken lady that smells slightly of eau de toilette, I guess to some extent they would be right.  
The students have said that each year they are finding it difficult to learn the language due to the change in their lesson structure.  Which I guess isn’t any different to what Michael Gove is trying to introduce (who might I add just because his surname starts with the first four letters of the word “Government” doesn’t actually mean that he is sarge in charge).  
I wonder if after dinner one day he sat down and thought to himself, I’ve got a great idea, I’ll replace GCSE’s with a more rigorous exam (based on the lines of the old O-level system), I’ll get rid of modular assessment and re-introduce three hour exams at the end of two years of study yet I don’t think people are down in the dumps enough, skilled training has gone from the school curriculum so students can’t develop and explore occupational possibilities there, re-sits of each module to bump up grades will be a no-no, it will be a case of re-sit the whole exam or jog on.  Maybe if I limit the amount of top grades that might work….  I can call the project (YFS) the Youth Failure Scheme. Perfect. Now what shall I have for dessert.

Tuesday 18th September 2012

A friend of mine made a variety of sweet and savoury pies for her daughters’ birthday party; she’s quite a zealous person and will always throw herself whole heartedly into her projects.  She went a little bit over the top with her pies though, and due to the amount that she’d baked they wouldn’t all fit in the fridge in her kitchen so being quite a resourceful person she put the remainder of the pies in the extra fridge that she has in her garage.  Unfortunately because we live in such a dark world and when people want to take the fast track to get things that don’t belong to them, she sadly got robbed.  Which is what the News of the World is being accused of at the moment, sending investigators into homes of people that are newsworthy; a former undercover policeman who managed to get involved in Southern Investigations stated that it burgled MP’s homes in the hope of getting information that could potentially embarrass them in the Newspapers.  Southern Investigation staff denies any involvement in the burglaries.  How low will folk stoop, not only was there phone hacking and police corruption apparently they went as far as to violate peoples homes to get a story, one that didn’t begin with “Once upon a time” or end with “They all lived happily ever after”  
Back to my friend, fortunately for her they didn’t manage to get into her house but they stole a few things from her garage, her fridge was one of the things stolen, she took great offence when the robbers emptied it of her pies and left them on the floor but took everything else….  This really took the biscuit……  If only she’d baked those eh.

Wednesday 19th September 2012  

I received an email from a friend of mine asking me whether I wanted some diet pills to help fight the bulge….  The cheek…..  I guess the truth always hurts.  I visited my friend and as we were sat chewing the fat (no pun intended because that would be gross) I asked her other than the obvious reasons, why she would send me such an email.  She explained that her email address had been hacked and she wouldn't have sent me such a message, she would have told me to my face…..  Mmmm……. 
Hacking is illegal and people have been sent to Sing, Sing for it (and I don‘t mean choir camp). But when is hacking not hacking? When The Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ), which is the Government electronic intelligence unit, run a competition (called Balancing the Defence) it’s being held to find skilled hackers to take them on as staff.  GCHQ has set up mock cyber attacks to see who would be good enough to combat threats from hostile states, other hackers and organised criminal cyber gangs.  
This competition is for over 16’s who are not working in the cyber security industry.  A spokesperson from GCHQ said “We hope to find people with an important mix of technical ability and business awareness and to make hard decisions for the best interest of the organisation”……  What the……  Only the Government could advertise for such a job and get away with it, there must be a lot of nervous hackers out there who want to apply yet knowing that if they fail to get chosen and if they weren’t already on the radar then they might be now.  I thought about applying but changed my mind when it took me half an hour to figure out how to switch the blasted computer on and I thought that a mega byte was something that you could buy in a burger bar…..  That really hacked me off. 

Thursday 20th September 2012 

A friend of mine’s husband who (strangely) is an avid Sun reader, asked me to pick up his daily fix (I’m talking about the paper,) along with something to read….  My friend said she found a stash of The Sun newspapers piled up in her husbands escape shed, when she asked him why he had kept them he said “It’s the only way he could keep abreast of things and the publication gives him titivation.”  He said this whilst keeping a straight face.  He’s a great poker player.  
His fun might soon come to an end though due to the diligence of a new campaign called No More Page 3. This campaign is being fronted by Lucy Holmes, an actress and writer.  A 24,000 strong petition has been sent to Dominic Mohan the Sun editor asking him politely “to stop showing pictures of topless young Women.”  I can’t imagine the Sun taking much notice of this due to the fact that these pictures are one of the main reasons why people (dare I say mainly men) buy the paper, it would be interesting to see how sales would be affected if page 3 was to cover up.  
Speaking of which another one of our Royals, when I say Royals, I mean the commoner…. (not my words) has found themselves in a bit of a pickle…  When I say pickle, I mean naked.  People are excited about the pictures of the topless Kate….  Do any of us really care? The ones that are moaning about Kate’s’ indiscretion are probably the very same ones who have been buying the Sun newspaper for years.  Isn’t this hypocritical? Shouldn’t the Royals be entitled to total privacy? The media has the opportunity to take Royal photos anything outside of this is sneaky….  Isn’t it? Unfortunately for Kate she got “busted” but she won’t be the first and she most certainly won’t be the last to have to have exposed herself to the media. I have to say she’s holding up her end well…..
I remember a holiday I once took where I stumbled across a naturist beach, I thought I’d be brave and let it all hang out…..  It was a case of if you can’t beat them join them.  I still cringe to this day when I think about how I was lying there confident and oiled up when a gorgeous guy walked over and said he loved the way my skin looked……….  Covered with my clothes….  That will teach me to go to a naturist beach by myself, next time I’ll take a friend then they can cover my ass.

Friday 21st September 2012

The amount of time and effort it takes for us to gossip, why don’t we take the time to do something constructive and purposeful for a friend or someone in need.  It’s easy to be a hater but when we are consumed with these thoughts kill them with kindness.  Spread the Love 

Article by Citizen Jane / 21st September 2012


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The Life and Times of Citizen Jane