Monday 12th December 2011
Twas a crazy weekend I awoke with both my hands handcuffed to a bed and no idea of where I was.... which for me is not unusual, where ever I was being held could do with an extreme makeover. As I lay in my uncomfortable position I reflected on my recent misdemeanors, unfortunately for me I misread an article last week by the British Pregnancy Advisory Service, regarding sex over the Christmas period supporting the morning after pill where you can put an order in over the phone like you’re ordering a takeaway, what’s that all about and which for someone as simple as me is very misleading, it made unprotected sex seem very inviting, with the word SEX all lit up like Christmas lights, I thought that Santa had come early which is another usual occurrence for me... Joking aside I don’t know anyone who puts “I would like an STD for Christmas this year” on there Christmas present list... Ladies not a pleasant thing to receive in your stockings and guys bag it up before you slap it up...
Anyway back to my predicament... I heard a key turn in the lock of the door and to my delight one of my ultimate fantasies walked into the room.... A man dressed up in a policeman’s uniform he was holding his truncheon in a very tight grip, I can assure you that this is not a metaphor, he reprimanded me on my poor behaviour which never featured in my usual fantasy, he said that my bail had been made and that I was free to go “apparently” I made a drunken phone call to my mother.... why? Why? Why? I have six other brothers and sisters and I didn’t think to ring one of them was I drunk.... oh yeah.... Mum is waiting for me in reception with some of her clothes which is the worst punishment ever, did I fail to mention that I was buck naked, Mum has grounded me even though I’m in my 30’s and no longer live at home..
Note to self never drink and walk it can be hazardous to your health.
Tuesday 13th December 2011
Still getting over yesterday’s shame.......... Right I’m over it now.... I need to get up and get ready for work, because I don’t want to end up in the statistics of the unemployed.... 2.64 million without a job which “They” say is the highest in 17 years.... even though they know this, what are “They” doing about it, everyday small independent businesses are closing and then another Tesco’s opens up, which we could argue is providing more jobs, but what about the little people, those who are trying to make a difference and stand out from everyone else... But “They” can’t have the minions thinking or doing anything for themselves, its all about divide and conquer. “They” tell us that 2011 is a bad year for the Labour Market; I’d say it’s a bad year for Sneinton Market.
“They” say that it’s difficult for the Private Sector to counter balance loss of Jobs in the Public sector should we believe everything we hear???
Good news though Morrison’s is opening 25 stores which is creating 7000 jobs unfortunately the rate of pay is minimum wage... well they’ve got to pay Freddie Flintoff somehow.
Crapola.... Late again and I can’t even give the excuse of me being on my menstrual cycle and peddling as fast as I can, seeing as that was last weeks. It looks like my boss has already put the mail on my desk for me to open and sort out, it seems that he has left me an early Christmas card.... oh dear, It’s a card alright but one with the letter P and the numbers 45 written on it. How quick statistics can change 2.64.1 million unemployed..... Morrison’s here I come.
Wednesday 14th December 2011
Well at least I was able to have a lie in this morning.... boy it’s cold, maybe I forgot to put the central heating on, the last thing I remember was buying the first round in the pub... why is it so cold I asked myself.. Very tentatively I opened my eyes and realised I was in a tent... Yes one of the over 30 tents that has been set up in the Nottingham Market square for Occupy Nottingham The anti-corporate greed protesters who have been camping there since the 15th of October part of a global campaign against financial equality.... I realised that I was being of very little help by hi jacking somebody’s tent but if you really want to help then donate, sleeping bags, blankets, roll mats, air beds, food, cooking utensils, rope, tarps, batteries, solar chargers, torches etc....
I could always use such items the next time I stumble into one of those tents.
Thursday 15th December 2011
I was planning on booking a holiday with Thomas cook, then I heard that they were closing down some of their stores, apparently the Arab Spring hasn’t helped there business... sounds like a nice spa or a refreshing mineral water to me..... Hey ho, looks like its going to be next year now anyway due to lack of funds, although I think that I will really need to do my research seeing as the dates for the Royal tour for Queenies’ Diamond Jubilee celebrations has been announced so for me in April Wales is out, London is out in June and Scotland is out in July when the Royal him and her indoors will be making their rounds, but if you fancy going somewhere exotic then head to Tuvalu in the Pacific Islands where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will be the first Royals since 1982 to visit not sure if you’ll be able to afford it... Remember where there’s a Will there’s a Kate....
Charlie and his Mrs will be inAustralia,Canada,New ZealandandPapua New Guineaso avoid, avoid, avoid.....
If you truly want to be Jammin’ then get yourselves off toJamaica,BahamasandBelizeseems like Harry got all the slamming places if I was him I’d forget the tour and find my own entertainment... I guess that’s why I’m a peasant and not a Pr-incesst.... Should we really buy into the Royal Family marlarchy..... Yes it brings in the tourists but some of them only end up over staying their welcome, then we are back to the 2.64 million unemployed.... I’ve decided I’m going to go camping in the market square, just need to find a way to hammer my tent pegs into the concrete.
Friday 16th December 2011
Well I must say it has been an eventful week from my naked shame down to a royal tour, life sometimes has strange twists and turns, but my philosophy is no matter what, always go forward only look back when you need to learn from those past mistakes which for me means that I constantly have a cricked neck. Let’s bring back the community spirit and help and encourage one another.... Remember it’s not about being right it’s about doing right.
Article by Jenna Tayleah / 17th December 2011